Penalty points allegations whittled down from 90,000 to zero?

Well, in fairness, you have to hand it to the Garda Commissioner and the Minister for Justice.

Quicker than a Guard could say, that’s alright your lordship, penalty points only apply to the peasants, the original allegation that up to 90,000 penalty points cases had been illegally quashed has now been dramatically reduced to a mere 197.

Now if that’s not good police work I don’t know what is.

Apparently, documentation (we don’t know from whom or when) forwarded to the Garda Commissioner contained just 402 allegations.

Now who could blame our hard working commissioner if he threw the lot in a bin and got on with real police work like keeping the Mahon and Moriarty Tribunal Reports warm under his arse.

But no, our commissioner was determined to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Working through the night with his magnifying glass he found that there was lots of duplication. By breakfast he had whittled the number of allegations down to a mere 197.

The Minister, who worked, sleeves rolled up, with the commissioner throughout the long night, said that many of the 197 were vague and short on details.

A spokesman for the Minister angrily denied that the number of vague cases miraculously matched the number of people of power and influence who had their cases allegedly quashed.

The Minister reminded all law abiding citizens that during the period in question a total of 1.4 million fixed charge notices were issued and that some Gardai were empowered to legally cancel penalty points.

Sure isn’t that the end of it. 90,000 down to, well, practically zero.

A spokesman for the Minister denied that the whistleblower gardai were being reassigned for duty in Kabul – they’re going to Damascus.