General

A news report on disturbances during the recent Halloween celebrations went:

An ambulance was attacked and its window broken by a rock on its way through Finglas

I reckon that rock is in Iceland by now, if it hasn’t run out of fuel.

I left the room for just a few minutes but when I returned my computer was zapped, gone, dead. With my limited technical knowledge I tried to figure out the problem but to no avail so I called in my nephew, Gavin.

It’s not the first time I’ve had to call on Gavin to save me from the brink of technical oblivion but even he admitted that on this occasion the problem was serious. He’s still working on resolving the matter and in the meantime has generously provided me with a replacement computer.

Of course, I have no doubt that the problem was caused by a deadly Fianna Fail virus and have established a tribunal of inquiry to look into the matter.

Suicide body up a tree for 30 years.

The skeleton of a German retiree who tied himself to the top of a tree and shot himself to death nearly 30 years ago has been found by a hiker.

German police in the southern town of Landshut said that the 69-year-old man disappeared in 1980 and had been classified as missing.

It is generally believed that the rocket launched by North Korea was a failure.

That didn’t stop the North Korean media telling their citizens that the mission was a success and that a satellite was now in orbit transmitting revolutionary songs.

The opening paragraph in an article by Vincent Hogan in today’s Irish Independent.

In Cardiff Airport yesterday, one brazen Irish rugby supporter faced a complication at check-in. He sought to bring one of the corner-flags from the Millennium Stadium on board his flight as hand luggage.

The ground-staff insisted that this rather conspicuous memento, thieved in the fevered celebrations of Ireland’s first Grand Slam triumph since 1948, needed to be checked in.

“Okay,” the supporter finally relented. “But can you mark it ‘fragile’?”

What a game, I watched it at home and like most people was literally on the edge of my seat but also lying on the floor, pacing up and down the living room, perched on the coffee table, running out into the garden in fright and ecstasy, alternatively kissing and shaking my fist at the screen.

Moggy, who is strictly a soccer fan cat, had had enough by the second half and headed for the shed.

When asked was he nervous during the game, that genius Brian O’Driscoll said that it was easier to play than to watch.

Feck, I’d certainly agree with that.

Boss of Celtic Bookmakers, Ivan Yates, only got five golden minutes on Today with Pat Kenny (Friday) but, still, that must be worth at least €5,000 in commercial advertising rates. That’s a potential grand total of €35,000 for Ivan over the four day festival.

“What are you doing to me Pat? I’ll be ending up in Alice Leahy’s homeless list.” Ivan joked as he declared that the Alice Leahy Trust charity was “now up a whopping €1431” from his charity bets.

A listener called in to thank Ivan for winning tips and said he had taken a ‘right few bob’ from Ivan’s opposition. I’ll bet that opposition wouldn’t mind such losses in exchange for exclusive access to Pat’s show.

Here’s a suggestion to RTE for next year’s Cheltenham racing festival.

Send out a note to all bookmakers in Ireland inviting them to bid for a ten minute exclusive spot on Pat’s show for each day of the four day festival. A minimum bid of, say, €5,000 could be set but I’d be surprised if €10,000 couldn’t be raised for a deserving charity.

Either way, it would easily beat Ivan’s nag ‘Whopping €1431’ by a good number of lengths.

(Previous posts: Here, here and here).

Copy to:
Pat Kenny

Ivan Yates continues in his very clever exploitation of Pat Kenny (Thursday) and RTE.

The figures today are (at minimum) €30,000 for Ivan in very valuable exposure on the national airwaves and minus €75 for Pat.

The €500 so far given to Pat to bet on horses at Cheltenham has resulted in a loss of €75, so the chosen charity is ‘up’ €425. And remember, it’s Ivan who is advising Pat on ‘best’ bets.

The lucky charity to receive such incredible munificence is the Alice Leahy Trust. It’s reported that special security arrangements have been made with the Army Ranger Wing to escort the final winnings to Alice.

Alice herself was unable to make comment as she is still overwhelmed by the sheer generosity of it all.

Copy to:
Pat Kenny

Ivan Yates got another golden ten minutes on Today with Pat Kenny (Wed).

Yesterday’s charity betting brought in a grand total of €225. Pat hasn’t yet revealed what charity is to receive the huge sum and this is very wise on his part as there is bound to be vicious competition for such a vast amount of money.

I have no idea what the going rate is for commercial advertising on such a high profile show as Pat’s but it must be at least a few thousand per minute, but let’s be conservative and say €1,000 per minute.

So, to date, the score is €20,000 for Ivan – €225 to charity. Those feck’in bookies you just can’t be up to them.

It’s great to see that good relations have been re-established between Russia and the US.

The mistake in translation on a gift presented by Hillary Clinton to her Russian counterpart, Sergei Lavrov, added to the more relaxed atmosphere.

It was hilarious to learn that Clinton had assured her Russian opposite that her staff had worked hard to ensure that the translation was accurate.