Katie Taylor's gold medal god

God trains her hands for battle, makes her feet nimble as a deer and shields her from the punches of her opponents.

Katie Taylor believes that her god was largely responsible for her winning a gold medal at the Olympics.

Ms. Taylor is a member of the Pentecostal church. The Pentecostals or Born Again Christians believe that their god communicates with them by speaking in tongues.

They also believe that Hell is a real place where all non-believers and members of all other religions are doomed to spend an eternity.

Catholic militant David Quinn believes that his god was responsible for Ms. Taylor’s victory but, confusingly, he seems to be aware that he is destined to spend eternity in hell.

In fact, ‘born-again Christian’ Christians take their name from the New Testament and especially the passage where Jesus tells his followers “I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born again’.

Is Mr. Quinn thinking of changing gods?

Journalists Maeve Sheehan, Eilis O’Hanlon and Claire O’Sullivan also believe that Ms. Taylor’s god hands out Olympic medals to the chosen ones.

Eilis O’Hanlon in particular went a bit berserk as a result of the religious hysteria following the gold medal ‘miracle’.

She condemned Irish citizens for their laziness, greed, lack of discipline, lack of self-respect and for living off the fat of the land.

She condemned the Irish Times for failing to mention Ms. Taylor’s god in its reports.

She condemned the ‘twisted logic’ of those in favour of family units other than the traditional Christian male/female model.

She condemned liberal minded secularists.

Since reading Ms. O’Hanlon’s fire and brimstone sermon I’ve made several offerings to the Great Zeus in thanks that Ireland only won one gold medal.

Any more and half the population would have been burned at the stake.