Santa and the Little People

Fianna Fail TD and Minister for Arts, Sport and Tourism Seamus Brennan was on Saturday View this weekend defending the Government.

Here’s part of the discussion concerning the alleged rendition flights through Shannon.

Brennan:

There’s no evidence whatsoever that anyone has been subject to extraordinary rendition through Ireland.

Saturday View presenter Rodney Rice:

You can’t have that knowledge unless you go on the flights and we don’t do that.

Brennan:

We do have an inspection regime. The Gardai Siochana have, and I know this sometimes raises a smile, but it shouldn’t, we have very skilled, specialised gardaí who have been particularly trained in this area.

Rice:

But they’ve never been on a plane.

Brennan:

But they’ve been given extra training in this area, the legislation has been brought to their attention and there is now in place trained Gardai who, as I say, has this legislation brought to their attention and they’ve investigated a number of allegations, they have done that and they have found that there is no basis on which to pursue.

Rice:

How have they investigated it if they haven’t been on planes?

Brennan:

The information supplied to the Dept of Justice is that they have investigated a number of allegations and they have found that there’s no basis on which to proceed.

Rice:

But we don’t know how they have come to that conclusion.

Brennan:

Well, we don’t, I don’t have that information but they’ve been trained specially, the law has been brought to their attention, they have investigated allegations and back have come the story that there is no evidence of any extraordinary rendition taking place.

And later…

Brennan:

We have an inspection regime.

Rice:

Which we haven’t implemented.

Brennan:

We have trained Gardai who assure us that they have investigated a number of allegations and found no basis on which to proceed.

Rice:

You keep saying that but we don’t know how they’ve done it.

Brennan:

We don’t ask the Gardai how they do lots of things, they get in and investigate and then they come back with their assurances to the Department.

(Yes Minister; that’s why we have the Morris Tribunal).

Brennan’s story can be likened to a father attempting to reassure an increasingly skeptical son that Santa really does exist.

Son:

Dad, I don’t’ believe in Santa, I think the truth is that you and mum buy the gifts.

Dad:

Now son, there’s no evidence whatsoever that Santa doesn’t exist.

Son:

But how can it be true, flying through the air, squeezing down narrow and very hot chimneys all over the world. It just doesn’t seem believable. You can tell me the truth dad; after all I’m 35 years old and always vote Fianna Fail.

Dad:

Listen son; and I know this sometimes raises a smile, but Santa has special skills, he’s specially trained and can do all kinds of magic things.

Son:

But I’ve never actually seen him do magic things.

Dad:

Of course you haven’t son. Santa has been given extra special powers for the duration of the Christmas period so that when his sleigh is on the runway, er I mean the roof nobody can see what’s going on. It’s all written down in his instructions and this has all been brought to his notice.

Son:

What about all the people on the street who say it’s all an elaborate hoax, to fool the gullible?

Dad:

Don’t mind that rabble son, they’re just ignorant peasants who are jealous of our luxury lifestyle which I might add also comes from a very generous Santa.

Son:

But I still don’t understand how he does it, I find it so, so hard to believe.

Dad: (Becoming exasperated)

Look son, you know uncle Bertie believes in Santa, that Santa is, in fact, a close personal friend of uncle Bertie.

Son:

Yeah, s’pose so.

Dad:

And you know that uncle Bertie always tells the truth, so if uncle Bertie believes then it’s ok for everybody to believe.

Son:

Yeah, guess I shouldn’t be so suspicious; can I have a raise in my pocket money?

Dad:

Not at this time son, Santa’s little helpers might become agitated. Best to defer it until after Christmas when the little people have gone away.

Copy to:
Fianna Fail
Seamus Brennan