Breaking: Gerry Adams foiled by anti-terrorist team

I’m shocked, absolutely shocked I tell you. I’ve just heard that Prince Charles is in the country and neither Gerry Adams nor Mary Lou McDonald have been arrested.

How could this be, how could the current leader of the still in existence Provisional IRA be allowed roam free while one of the terrorist’s prinicpal targets is on holiday here?

What…what did you just say – Adams is going to meet the prince, Jesus Mary agus Joseph who’s in charge of security? Whoever it is I want his balls cooked in a microwave forthwith.

Get me Michael Martin on the line immediately. He has all the facts about how Adams is still organising the IRA, he’ll know how to handle this security crisis.

At last, some good news. I’m told that Martin will accompany Adams when meeting the prince. Very clever, journalists with Independent Newspapers have known for years now that the bulge in Adams’ pants is really a pipebomb.

No doubt our hero Michael will leap in at the vital moment and grab the deadly weapon from between Adams’ legs thus preventing a sinister explosion.

What, what’s that your saying? A special undercover team of hard-hitting anti-terrorists experts has been formed to protect the prince from the terrorist and cult leader Adams.

Let me see that list, I want to make sure they’re hardened anti-terrorist operators of the highest calibre.

Independent Newspapers special forces personell.
Willie Kealy
Jody Corcoran
Eilis O’Hanlon
Jim Cusack

RTE special anti-terrorist team
Cathal Mac Coille
Sean O’Rourke

Irish Times anti-terrorist co-ordinator
Stephan Collins

Phew…ok folks, everybody relax. We have a best in the world anti-terror/anti Sinn Fein team on the ground ready for action if the evil Mr. Adams makes even a hint of a sinister move towards his crotch.

One thought on “Breaking: Gerry Adams foiled by anti-terrorist team”

  1. Why not ask the friends and relatives of:
    Gerry McCabe, Mary Travers, The McConville family etc
    what they think?

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