Mary Hanafin and her mother at the Áras

A caller to RTE said that Mary Hanafin’s ambition for the Presidency was nothing more than ego mania – such cruelty.

I have it on good authority that poor Mary has been suffering terribly since her arse was forcibly removed from the comfortable leather of her ministerial car.

She particularly misses the sight of riff raff being hauled away to court by burly policemen for daring to impede her imperial route.

Since being booted out of office by the ungrateful peasants poor Mary is lost in a sea of normality, a jungle of ordinariness where she even has to drive her own car and mix with the dirty peasants on the streets and in the shops.

Living in the arse, oops, I mean the Áras, would suit our regal Mary down to the ground. All that pomp and ceremony, all those cars and jets, all those expenses

It’s just the sort of lifestyle our Mary has become used to as a government minister.

And concerned citizens need not worry that Mary doesn’t have a partner to accompany her on all those boringly expensive engagements around the world.

When Mary was minister her mother patriotically volunteered to spend all the taxpayer’s money she could to ensure her daughter wasn’t lonely as she jetted around the world.

Mary’s mother would, however, have to be very careful if she was living in the Park with her daughter President in case of nasty accidents.

In 2009, Mary’s mother won a claim for damages following a fall at Leinster House.

We don’t know how much the poor dear was paid. That’s a state secret, you understand.

The taxpayer must pay but the amount is none of his/her business.

But a fall on her arse, oops, I mean at the Áras, could cost the hard pressed taxpayer considerably more so I’m sure she would be extra careful.