Bertiegate and the magic Leprechaun wand

I hear there is some confusion internationally about Bertie’s ‘spot of bother’. People who are not familiar with how things are done in this banana republic are puzzled about certain aspects of the latest shenanigans in Ireland.

For example, Bertie justified his taking of money from one group because he knew them very well and from another group because he hardly knew them at all. On the question of taking money while holding the position of Minister for Finance, Bertie claims that on those specific occasions he was not a minister but merely a private citizen.

The explanation for these apparently puzzling and contradictory claims is simple. All Irish politicians, on election to office, are issued with a magic (Leprechaun) wand. The power of this wand is so great that it can physically change how the (Irish) human mind works.

So, when Bertie got on the plane to Manchester he was Minister for Finance. But half way across the Irish Sea, he waved his wand and in a flash, that knowledge was instantly wiped from the minds of all on board. This magic also works on those Irish living in Manchester but not on pagan foreigners. This is why foreigners tend to express astonishment at the shenanigans of the Irish but the Irish themselves usually reply –

“Shure, he’s only a poor lad over to meet friends” or “What money? shure, we saw no money.”

It also explains why Bertie can then return to Ireland and deliver lectures on accountability and honesty in Irish public life. Neither he nor his friends have any memory whatsoever of a Minister for Finance visiting Manchester.

They remember being in Manchester, they remember Bertie taking the money, but when he stuffed the loot into his back pocket, he was a private citizen. It was only after he waved the magic wand on the plane back to Ireland that he again became Minister for Finance.

Incidentally, Irish citizens are very familiar with the magic (Leprechaun) wand phenomenon at tribunals of inquiry.

Sadly, in recent years, the power of the wand has waned, so to speak. Some of this loss of power can be attributed to the contamination of good Irish blood by interbreeding with ‘dem godless foreign wimin.’ Education also has a fierce damaging affect on Leprechaun power. In fact, the power of the wand seems, nowadays, to be confined mostly to Fianna Fail politicians and their wand minded followers.

Michael McDowell, however, is showing signs of having been hit over the head with the Leprechaun wand as he contemplates the possibility that he might go down in history as the shortest serving Tanaiste ever.

3 thoughts on “Bertiegate and the magic Leprechaun wand”

  1. Nothing changes at Irish Times
    The Irish Times has outdone itself in the last few weeks trying to prevent peace being copperfastened in Northern Ireland. The Times of old was always a defender of Brittish rule in Ireland and with Geraldine Kennedy at the helm the old order remains unchanged. (remember the phone tapping Kennedy and Arnold)
    What better way to destroy the peace process than to bring down Bertie, the man who has done more than anyone (alive or dead) to bring peace and stability to this land of ours. The people of Ireland are now sophisticated enough to see whats afoot.
    The opinion polls last weekend said it all. Kennedy and Co. got their answer.
    The best Taoiseach we ever had must stay to complete the job he has started.
    Nobody could do it better.
    The Crewser

  2. Just as I predicted the Irish People have given Geraldine Kennedy and Co. their answer in the latest opinion poll. It’s not that easy to pull the wool over our very sophisticated electorate any more. They can spot a scam or a stunt like the one Kennedy pulled a mile off. I have no doubt that when next May comes they will see that those who supported Kennedy and Co. in their treacherous attempt to overthrow a lawfully elected government will be denied power yet again.
    The Crewser

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