Category: General

Sometimes it’s the small things that highlight our lax attitude to the law and how we seem to be totally ignorant of why obedience to law is good for us.

Last Tuesday (16th), Pat Kenny was interviewing a taxi man who refused to hand over his cash to a gun waving thief. The (foolish) ‘have a go hero’ was describing how his seat belt prevented him from getting out of his cab to confront the gunman.

Pat Kenny:

A lot of drivers don’t wear seat belts and I think you’re allowed by law not to wear it.

Foolish Hero:

No, that changed, Pat. We have to wear it and to be honest with you I don’t wear it a lot myself. Maybe on longer spins but around town I’m inclined to just strap it around my shoulders.

Pat:

Yeah, but on this occasion it was clicked in?

Foolish Hero:

Unfortunately, it was, and fortunately, I don’t know what I’d have done if I’d got straight out.

There’s a good chance the thief would have panicked and shot our hero if he hadn’t been restrained for that vital moment. In effect, the seat belt probably saved his life.

Pat Kenny was very impressed by the reckless bravery of the taxi man so he’s probably also impressed that he constantly puts his life in danger every day by driving around without a seat belt.

There were some interesting views expressed on the tragic Madeleine McCann case on Sunday’s Marian Finucane Show.

Mary Banotti, former MEP and, significantly, chair of the Irish Centre for Parentally Abducted Children seemed in no doubt that the parents are guilty.

There’s something strange here, either these people, very attractive parents, middle class, beautiful child, lots of pictures of the child to keep the public engaged, everything that makes a rich and wonderful tabloid story.

But somewhere along the line something very odd began to appear in this case and unfortunately, whether we like it or not, and I’m certainly not saying this is the case with them, parents have murdered their children and have been quite plausible in public, we’ve all seen the pictures of people having press conferences and then being arrested a few days later.

A man was seen carrying something wrapped in a blanket towards the port and straight away I thought; they’ve gone out to sea

Niamh O’Connor of the Sunday World was even more devastating in her forensic conclusions.

I think in this case there’s a history of bad parenting, they did decide to leave the children on their own in the apartment so obviously that would point to them as suspects.

Marian Fincuane; What about other parents who do the same?

I don’t know anyone who’s done it, none of my friends have done it, actually leave the building, no.

Marian Fincuane; or even leave the room?

Well, leaving the room is a different matter; you’re still within earshot of the children or whatever, but the fact that they did leave the room and that there’s a history there.

The Mc Canns are fortunate that Mary and Niamh are not actually judge and jury.

In an ideal world humans would have no need for the primitive instincts associated with religion and nationalism.

Unfortunately, it is unlikely that our species will ever evolve to such an enlightened level. In the meantime we have national anthems, which were the hot subject on today’s Liveline. (Thursday)

National anthems have just one purpose; to make sure citizens of warring states will mindlessly slaughter each when the occasion demands and to keep those same citizens primed for war in peacetime.

In the 1970s Cobh could be a dangerous place to socialise. The navy was in the midst of its first big modernisation programme which resulted in a large number of recruits, descending on the town to relax and check out the local talent. This did not go down well with the local gentry and so fist fights and even mini riots were common.

I remember on one occasion a free for all was underway at the local hotel. Chairs, bottles and fists were flying all over the place until the band decided to play the national anthem. Immediately, the fighting ceased and everybody stood to attention, when the music stopped, it was back to business.

Over the years I have witnessed people being threatened and even assaulted because some drunken imbecile got it into his head that the anthem wasn’t getting the respect it deserved.

I also found it fascinating to experiment with the psychology of anthems by, for example, whistling God Save the Queen among friends. It always got an immediate response; in most cases there would be pretended outrage and some finger wagging but on some occasions I would be gently but firmly ‘advised’ that my actions were ‘unwise’.

Needless to say, I was never stupid enough to carry out such experiments among strangers, especially where alcohol was being consumed.

One of my most interesting experiences regarding the playing of anthems was when Ireland played England at Croke Park last February.

I watched the game with some friends in the Old Oak bar in Cork city. The place was packed and the atmosphere was electric. Hearing God Save the Queen being played on such hallowed ground was an amazing experience.

I was even more amazed, as was everyone else, when a man in front of us stood rigidly to attention when the band struck up Amhrán na bhFiann. Seconds later another man stood up and before long most people in our area were at attention.

I think the key to the emotions generated by nationalism is awareness. It’s possible to be a proud citizen without carrying around a large load of negative historical baggage

Here’s why humans have no hope whatsoever of surviving as a species.

When we branched off from other members of the ape family millions of years ago, we ‘progressed’ rapidly on a technological and sociological level.

We did not, however, evolve mindless violence out of our genes and so we continue to kill all around us in addition to gobbling up limited resources and destroying the very environment we depend on for survival.

There is no doubt that the planet will be better of without the cancer of humanity, the only question is – will it survive until we are exterminated?

I nearly fell out of the chair recently after watching a news report (7th item) in which farmers said they were happy.

The reason for their happiness was a massive increase in profitability due to escalating prices.

Fortunately, my chair stabilised on hearing, in the same report, a farmer complaining about other industries making a profit due to escalating prices.

All those who despair about the serious problems facing mankind in the 21st century can take heart that the Polish government is doing its bit to improve the lot of humanity.

It is reported that an investigation is underway in Poland to establish whether the Teletubbie, Tinky Winky, is gay.

Humour, I really believe is the best medicine. You just cannot beat a good belly laugh for dispelling the blues. And sometimes reality or perhaps mad reality provides the best laughs.

Most people, after they depart this existence will only be remembered by their friends and family. Some will be remembered because they achieved greatness but leading US conservative evangelist Rev Jerry Falwell, who died yesterday, will be remembered because he believed that one of the Teletubbies; Tinky Winky was homosexual.

Jeez, this coming after Ireland’s Fr. Ted performance at the Eurovision is just too much. You just couldn’t make this stuff up.

Fr. Ted is my favourite comedy and my favourite episode is Ted and Dougal’s participation in the Eurovision where they gave a fine rendition of My Lovely Horse.

Never, even in my most mad moments, did I think that this episode would become a reality. But that’s exactly what happened on Saturday night as Ireland bombed out, attracting a mere five votes from Albania.

Albania?? Where the feck is Albania?? Who the feck lives in Albania?? What connection has Albania with Ireland?? Does John Waters have a long lost cousin out there, on the run from a previous Eurovision??

Or, perhaps Dermot Morgan (cue music from the X Files) had a hand in this, the worst ever Irish performance.

Dermot was ruthless in his exposure of the vanity, arrogance and corruption of Irish politicians, especially the Fianna Fail variety. He was also hilariously dismissive of Catholicism.

John Waters is a Catholic fundamentalist and sees Haughey as the great chieftain leader of the Irish nation.

Well done Dermot, for the most enjoyable Eurovision ever.

There was an interesting conversation on last Saturday’s Marian Finucane Show. Comdt. Colum Doyle, a former Director of Public Relations with the Defence Forces was reminiscing on how he and his staff handled the army deafness controversy.

Marian began by asking why no one in authority was held responsible for the damage done to the hearing of thousands of servicemen, despite the problem being known about for decades.

Comdt. Doyle blamed solicitors, judges, civil servants and of course the servicemen who made the claims for the debacle. He proudly boasted of his successful PR strategy in countering what he described as the snide remarks made by civilians. He candidly admitted that he was, in effect, a spin doctor.

Here are some of my memories of the controversy. In the 70s, there was no hearing protection provided for servicemen during range practice. It was decidedly un-macho to use ear protection at this time. The few personnel who tried to protect their hearing by using cotton wool were usually ridiculed. I remember on one occasion an officer ordering a man to remove cotton wool so that orders could be properly heard.

During the 80s, when the problem was beginning to get noticed we were issued with ear plugs. These were cheap pieces of foam that had to be firmly pressed into the ear to be effective and probably caused more damage than protection.

Sometime in the mid 80s new headsets were purchased. These were modern, safe and effective but unfortunately the military authorities were very reluctant to hand them out. The word was that they were considered too expensive to be actually used. The following story will illustrate the official attitude.

While in stores one day to collect some kit I noticed the new headsets and asked for an issue as I was due for range practice that week. I was told that only those with an officially certified hearing problem would qualify for the new hearing protection.

The final compensation bill for the taxpayer was €321 million. I wonder how much those headsets cost.

Bertie Ahern is going to burn in everlasting Hell. No, not for breaking political promises but because any Catholic who knowingly remains in a state of mortal sin is destined for Hell – no exceptions.

Of course, I don’t know Bertie’s actual state of sin at the moment but up until recent times he was living in sin and assuming he is a true hot blooded Irishman; it’s likely that he will have no scruples about doing so in the future and fair play to him.

His religious boss Pope Benedict XVI, however, has a different view. He recently restated that Catholics who remarried (and presumably those who live in sin) could not receive the Eucharist. To die while in a state of mortal sin means you burn forever.

Cardinal Angelo Scola, when asked if that meant Catholic politicians could be refused Communion, he said

“The document doesn’t say what it doesn’t want to say.”

This looks very bad for all those Catholic politicians who live exemplary lives but at the same time, understandably, want a bit of company and comfort on cold winter nights.

And what about all those priests, Bishops, Cardinals and even Popes who knowingly administer Communion to unrepentant mortal sinners? Will they too be joining the damned in everlasting hell?

And you can forget about this modern idea that Hell is some sort of lonely state of mind rather than, well…a real hell of a place. Benedict doesn’t mince his words on this matter.

“Hell is a place where sinners burn in an everlasting fire, and not just a religious symbol designed to galvanise the faithful.”

Personally, I’m looking forward to Hell. Heaven must be a very boring place, no sins, no gossip, people telling the truth all the time while floating about on pure white clouds, eating Philadelphia and crackers – No thanks.

Hell will be much more interesting. Hitler, Haughey, Thatcher, Jack the Ripper, Pat the Plasterer, Bertie, Bishop Casey, Bush and Osama reminiscing, Ian and Gerry still trying to agree on something/anything, the list is endless.

Shure, you could spend an eternity just hanging out with those guys getting the low down on what really happened.