Justice – At some point in the far future

Daniel McConnell has a very good analysis of the Anglo Irish Bank/Irish Life and Permanent fraud in today’s Sunday Independent.

Here’s a snippet that gives us a clue as to how far Ireland is away from taking real action against white collar criminals.

“The regulator said the transactions were “completely unacceptable” and that its investigators have been asked “to complete their work as a matter of extreme urgency”. Then the Director of Corporate Enforcement confirmed that Irish bankers could face jail and that actions by senior people in Anglo Irish Bank appear to be “illegal.”

‘A matter of extreme urgency’ for an Irish regulator would be about, mmm…let’s see, about ten maybe fifteen years.

In a real democracy there would be no ‘could face jail’ or ‘appear to be illegal’. Handcuffs would have been applied immediately.

How business is done – in a banana republic

Lenihan says he didn’t tell Cowen about the €7 billion transfer from Irish Life and Permanent into Anglo Irish Bank so that covers Cowen.

We’re told that officials didn’t tell Lenihan about the relevant sections of the Price Waterhouse Cooper report so that covers Lenihan.

The officials are anonymous and unaccountable so that coves them.

If the pressure becomes too much a token official will be asked to retire with a lotto sized pension and golden handshake.

If that official possesses sensitive information he will be give a massive bribe to keep his mouth shut – just like the €202,000 bribe given to former Financial Regulator, Patrick Neary.

This is exactly how government business is done in a banana republic.

Fools believing the fool

Let’s cut to the chase here.

Only a complete idiot would believe Lenihan’s story that he didn’t know about the €7 billion transfer from Irish Life and Permanent into Anglo Irish Bank. Yet, as usual, the Irish media have turned their collective heads away to study the wallpaper.

So far, (I haven’t heard Morning Ireland yet) not a single journalist or commentator has made a serious challenge to Lenihan’s fairy tale. They should be (Like every angry citizen in the country is already doing) treating this fool with the derision he richly deserves as he packs his bags

O'Connor's solution

In times of crisis it’s always good to have a laugh and Sunday Independent columnist, Brendan O’Connor never fails to deliver. His musings are all the more hilarious because they’re presented, not as mad humour, but as serious analysis.

Here are some of his suggestions on how we should deal with the ongoing crisis.

A free U2 concert in the Phoenix Park, ask the Pope to visit, get the scouts out at weekends to help people, get choirs out singing on the streets, put Cowen on the back of a lorry and send him on a tour of the country putting fire in people’s belly with his inspirational speeches, take the mothers of Ireland out for a Government sponsored coffee break once a week, and most bizarre of all – appoint Martin Cullen as Minister for Inspiration and willie O’Dea as crisis manager.

O’Connor admits it might all sound a bit cracked. It is Brendan, it is but it’s also very funny.

National Consumer Agency – No power but great bonuses

Recently I had cause to ask some questions regarding property management companies on behalf of someone who is being ripped off by one of these mafia outfits.

I first checked out the website of the National Consumer Agency and came across the following on a question and answer pamphlet.

Are property management companies regulated?

No, property management companies are not regulated. However, the Government plans to introduce a law to set up a national property services regulatory authority in late 2007

(Yes, that’s 2007).

I next rang the NCA to make further enquiries and spoke to an obviously embarrassed spokesperson.

“Does the NCA have power to act against the mafia management companies?”

“No.”

“Has the Government introduced that legislation yet?”

“No, it’s still under consideration.”

“What government agency can a citizen approach to get action on these people?”

“The nearest you would get to a regulatory body would be the Private Residential Tenancies Board.”

“Do they have power over management companies?”

“I don’t think they do.” (So, he may just as well have recommended the Boy Scouts or The Legion of Mary).

“So, in effect, there’s no authority in the land with power to act against mafia management companies.”

“No.”

“What advice do you have for the many thousands of citizens being ripped off by these people?”

“Well, they could contact the Free Legal Aid Centre to check the legal situation.”

With immense self control I managed to politely thank the spokesperson and hung up.

But hey, it’s not all bad news. The head of NCA, Ann Fitzgerald, has just been paid a performance related bonus of €24,300 on top of her grotesque salary €186,891.

I say grotesque because, clearly, Ms. Fitzgerald has little interest in the welfare of those she is charged to protect.

For example, her organisation has a policy of not prosecuting car dealers found to be clocking cars. Despite the fact that this practice puts the lives of consumers at risk the NCA is of the opinion that such prosecutions would be too protracted.

(Cynical consumers could be forgiven for thinking that such prosecutions are avoided in order to keep the ‘performance related bonuses’ kitty in a healthy state).

Instead, criminal car dealers are politely asked to sign a formal undertaking not to clock cars again.

I can just see it now, ruthless car dealers all over the country throwing darts at their formal undertaking as they continue, with impunity, to put the lives of consumers at risk.

Copy to:
NCA

Fuck off LaMontagne

Ray LaMontagne is some sort of a singer but, apparently, doesn’t like interviews, he finds them quite boring. This intolerance of facilitating his fan(s) had a very nervous Ryan Tubridy in all kinds of knots yesterday.

Tubridy: “You’re quite chatty, I mean, you will talk if you’re marginally engaged.”

LaMontagne: “If it’s interesting.”

Tubridy: “Ok, I’ve nothing else interesting to say to you now. Who are these heads (band members?) here with you today?”

Tubridy: “You’re all welcome. Anyway Ray LaMontagne, you’re going to sing a song for us now, I really love this song. I’m not just saying that to make you feel better about yourself.” (oooops).

Realising that he had made a dreadful faux pas, that the great LaMontagne, whoever he is, was not amused, Tubridy desperately added – “No, I really love it.” But it was too late.

LaMontagne: (In a very disapproving tone) “I feel pretty good about myself. I don’t need anybody to make me feel good about myself.”

Tubridy: (Increasingly desperate) I know, but, but…I’m trying to give you…(Then, an even more desperate attempt to save himself) – “You look good, you’re brimming with confidence”

But the great LaMontagne, whoever he is, wasn’t to be placated so Tubridy decided to go for the ultimate in desperation – the Fr. Ted option.

“But I’m just trying to pay you a compliment because we don’t do that in Ireland very much, we normally say something like, fuck off, not quite, but not far off.”

Of course, Tubridy got his interview all backwards. The moment this LaMontagne guy, whoever he is, opened his conceited mouth he should actually have been told to – fuck off.

Copy to:
Poor Ryan Tubridy

Media and officialdom

I see Moira Creedon (Irish Times) is agreement with me on the pathetic media reaction to Brian Cowen’s (in) famous speech.

Madam,

I cannot believe the media in this country are so pathetic.

National debt is about to go through the roof — assuming we can actually borrow the money. The private sector is indebted well beyond sustainability. Personal and corporate bankruptcy is forecast to escalate. Bank workers take a pay rise not because they are worth it but because they can. Unemployment is galloping towards the 400,000 mark. Discredited bank directors and regulators retire to play golf on massive pensions.

And the media seem impressed because an incompetent prime minister made a 17-minute speech in recognisable English? No wonder the country is in the current morass. – Yours, etc,

MOIRA CREEDON,

Inchicore Road,
Kilmainham,
Dublin 8.

It really is interesting to observe the extent to which the media, and especially RTE, have seamlessly merged with officialdom.

Letter in today’s Irish Examiner.

Haughey’s legacy

AT the presentation of Charles Haughey’s private papers to Dublin City University, it was reported he left a note claiming he never made a decision or took any action that was not motivated totally by the public good (Irish Examiner, February 4).

I eagerly look forward, therefore, to learning how the public good was served by just the following three activities of Haughey as uncovered by the tribunals:

1. The theft of millions from the State through tax evasion.

2. The embezzlement of large sums of money from the party Leader’s Fund.

3. The misappropriation of £200,000 from the Brian Lenihan (senior) liver transplant fund.

Yours etc.

Anthony Sheridan

The Messiah has landed

The eagle has landed, the Messiah has returned, the cavalry has arrived – Brian Cowen made a speech that has, apparently, changed the universe.

Well, not really but he did get the media all excited. I suspect this is because many in the media predicted that Cowen was indeed the long awaited Messiah and now, apparently, he was delivering on their over rated predictions.

On Morning Ireland (5th report, 2nd item) Aine Lawlor and Harry Magee, political journalist with the Irish Times and the only media person present at the ‘historic’ event were overwhelmed with admiration for the Great Leader.

A ‘tsunami of extemporaneous prose’, he didn’t pull his punches, there was a pulse, a tempo and a passion that some said Cowen had lost, gushed Magee.

Lawlor, (In a reverential and hushed tone) “Almost – Yes, we can?”

Magee immediately agreed. “I think there are a couple of lines in there that Obama would not have thrown away lightly – some of his speech was almost poetic for an Irish politician.”

The media excitement continued on Today with Pat Kenny (Friday).

He’s a man, who, this time, eyeballed you all, said Pat (in an awed tone) to businessman Martin Murphy who was actually at the great event. (Will Cowen’s speech morph into a GPO type phenomenon where every mother and her son will claim to have been present?).

Yes, said Martin. He’s a man who’s on top of his job, a man who has his finger on the pulse, bringing people with him, it was all about leadership, he stepped up to the plate.

Gina Quin, CEO of Dublin Chamber of Commerce, was beside herself with excitement.

“He was absolutely dynamic on the night – People were saying two words – Barack Obama.”

(We remember that this is the same Gina who described Sean Fitzpatrick’s dodgy ‘loan transfers’ as ‘one small unfortunate incident.’).

Sadly, for the media and business world, ordinary Irish citizens did not agree. There was a massive response from the general public and with the exception of one or two callers the reaction to Cowen’s speech was negative and very, very angry. It was clear that Pat Kenny was genuinely puzzled at the level of anger being expressed by ordinary citizens.

One caller, a plumber, who had just lost his job.

“I’m paying €1,200 per month mortgage and €1,600 per year to a management fees company that I can’t even contact. I lost my job over a month ago and I’m still waiting for benefit. Brian Cowen’s call to arms means nothing to me.”

Other callers thought the speech was nauseating, vacuous and full of empty rhetoric. A speech made in front of and for the benefit of rich people who weren’t being asked to take any of the pain.

The Great Man granted an interview to Marian Finucane on Saturday. Here’s some of what he had to say.

Throughout the interview he maintained that the crisis was international. Marian never made any serious challenge to this dishonest stance.

He said people were wrong to say there was any connection between Fianna Fail and developers. Marion made no serious challenge to this dishonest claim.

Governance issues in relation to banks are now being investigated by ODCE., he said. This is a joke. It’s an absolute certainty that ODCE will never bring a single banker to account.

On remuneration for bankers – “we’ve set up a committee to look into it.”

On the spontaneity of his speech.

“I knew the Dublin Chamber of Commerce had arrangements to tape my speech.”

On getting angry when criticised in Dail Eireann.

“Listen, the Dail has its own little realty, thing’s are very serious. We all have to cop ourselves on to be honest.”